Unlike Sauron, Sharon's eyes are light, not red, mischievous, not malevolent. She may be hypervigilant, she may be at times, hysterical, but she is never harmful or hurtful.
But that didn't stop others from being harmful or hurtful with their words.
From 9/14 to 7/17, I had been seeing Dr. Littletree for Psychotherapy. Initially, I thought I'd like to learn biofeedback. Now keep the dates straight here--9/2014--I was a high myope, but whole in my left eye (not a hole in sight). I soon realized that after a long day of teaching, I was unable to focus on biofeedback visuals. But I was okay with talking with him. So, we went on. So from 11/2016, when my eye disintegrated, until 7/2017, I had 4 opinions about what to do. Dr. Schitt's was the first. He failed to persuade me. He made me cry. A good way to get rid of me.
Then, about a month later, I went to another surgeon, who advised the vitrectomy, but "it wouldn't change my vision." So what was the purpose? If a doctor is advocating for an intervention with a long and difficult recovery, which involves heavy financial loss for anybody, they better be able to articulate good reasons. Instead, they don't read the research. The average vitrectomy patient is in their 70's and retired. Surgeons are mere tradesmen. Handsomely paid. They see a prone patient and the start cutting and pasting. They are not philosophers. They are part of the assemblyline. They don't see step one--patient comes to the reception desk. I know very well that place would not see me without the right insurance. For the very first appointment, as I went up to the window, the man in front of me was informed by the clerk that "We don't take Oscar anymore." This was news to him. He was to have an operation that day. This was unbelievable to me. The night before, they usually call you and confirm your insurance. He had no secondary insurance. He didn't have the cash for the operation (Imagine, not carrying around thousands in cash on you when you go to the hospital for an operation you thought was covered). He left. His future unknown. At another place, the man ahead of me was asked, "Do you have medicare because of age or because of disability?" Whose business is it? If they take medicare, they take medicare. And the man didn't know either.
I had a third opinion, who confirmed that the vitrectomy would be useless. And then I went to Bethesda for a visit with Dr. Henry Wiley. We thoroughly went over the whole megillah. He looked at my scans. He took new scans. And his conclusion--whatever I decide, I need to be happy about my decision. Another county heard from. I cried the whole way home. My father was dead at that point. My mother was an invalid, an emotionally detached head forming bed sores on her body from the assisted living. No one would help me process the emotional and financial costs of the operation.
This was 6/30/17. I saw Dr. Littletree on Tuesday's. But that Tuesday was 7/4. So the first time I saw him since my return was 7/11. I began to cry in session. He chided me for running around from consultation to consultation, looking for a "better daddy." Something inside me turned cold. Four consults in six months is running around looking for better daddies? Heartless. Certainly not seeing things through my vitiated eyes. I left, then on Thursday left a voice mail message telling him "I no longer felt safe with him and would be ending my treatment." He texted me! Texted, "I thoroughly understand."
Give this guy an ethics course. We don't text goodbye. Mutual good riddance.
In April of 2017, one of the ophthalmologist thought bevacizumab injections would work for me as well as the macular degenerates. I had two injections--April and May. After that, he discontinued the trial. The results were not as expected.
And so I went on from 2017 until 2024. I did not discuss myopic degeneration with anybody. They would just confidently assert, "Oh, you can have an operation for that." "No, I would respond. "You're thinking of macular degeneration. There's an operation for that." "Oh, my aunt gets injections for that." "Yes, that's bevacizumab and they give that for macular degeneration." Nobody likes a well-informed person.
I continued to have regular opthhalmological visits. In 2018, I finally managed to get the right insurance for a consult with the great Yanuzzi, the textbook guy. He wanted to do the operation. But,fortunately, he no longer was doing operations and referred me to his second-in-command, who disagreed with him--"Too much scarring."
Yay. No more talk about vitrectomies from anyone.
But the cataract developed from infancy to adolescence. And in 2019, I started going for cataract consults. Each one rubbed their hands and started telling me how I would have "perfect vision" after this. They would put in an ICL lens which would correct the vision.
I didn't believe them. I know I have scarring in my central vision. How would a new lens correct for central vision blindness and scarring.
And then, the pandemic. And I remembered in 2011, I was referred to a Dr. Seedor at NY Eye and Ear. I was interested in LASIK. He said he could do an "awesome" job for the R eye. But he believed that LASIK would not achieve a "satisfactory" result for the left eye, which was -11 for myopia (Right eye is -7, which is still high, but apparently within the realm of hope). And I forgot about him for over 11 years. I called NYEAE for a new appointment. But NYEAE had closed (Thanks Mt. Sinai). But Dr. Seedor lived and breathed at Manhattan Eye,Ear, and Throat Hospital (MEETH). The very hospital where I had fled Dr. Schitt! An irony, I told myself.
Thus ends Part II of the Narrative.